Mr. Disgusting: His message was sexually explicit complete with added letters to certain words for effect. Explicit as in he offered to...perform....some, uh, "services" to a certain part of my anatomy. After I scrubbed myself with a Brillo pad and bleach, he was blocked.
Mr. Thinks He's Funny: This message was complimentary of my bandonkadonk. Did I respond? Of course not! Just because you think you're funny, adding on a "lol" at the end of an unwanted sexual message doesn't make it any less creepy. It makes you gross. And stupid. And blocked.
Mr. Direct: His message to me was "Very sexy." Oh, and just to be clear, that punctuation is mine, not his. I'm so glad you think I'm sexy. My self esteem was just hoping random men would judge me on my looks and totally ignore the brilliantly witty essay I wrote about myself in an attempt to showcase my sparkling personality. Next time, please be more detailed about what you found sexy. Was it the genetically provided slope of my nose? Maybe my flawless Clinique skin? The Doritos and chocolate fueled curves? I know! It was my earlobes, right??? I'm totally right. They do hold a pair of earrings just so. I'm a fan of them too.
The Doctor: We had a brief conversation. Why brief? Because "I need a massage :)" was his third sentence. And I'm being gracious and counting the previous four words as sentences. Alas, our conversation faltered when I told him to find a spa and didn't immediately offer to provide said massage and include actions that would be fitting of the emoticon in his sentence. Maybe I should have told him to go to Vegas. Lots of opportunities there for a "massage" and ":)" and he won't even get a solicitation charge.
This episode has been sponsored by Brillo (not really) and eye rolling. Always remember to date responsibly!
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