Episode 3 - The Heart Attack

Ah, yes.  I’ve told some of you about how I almost gave my mother a heart attack.  And it all surrounded Kayak Boy.  This one seemed normal at first.  There was decent conversation and he suggested a kayak trip for our first date.  He was tall, nice looking, could hold a conversation.  And then I met him.  And found out he was obviously pussy footing around having some mental health issues.  Then I found out his driver’s license was suspended after an accident (DUI, anyone???) and he expected me to always drive to him.  When I declined, his interest went from “I really like you and want to see you again” to “I just wasn’t feeling it.”

Thanks, Kayak Boy, for the adventure.  It was fun, but you’re kind of a hot mess right now.  You’re on leave from your job, you have some probably untreated mental health conditions, you decided to self medicate with alcohol and lost your license after having a car accident and you expect me to cater to you.  Yeah, that’s not happening.  Like ever.  Sounds like you need a therapist.  And possibly a parole officer.  Not a girlfriend.  Good luck with that.

But wait, you’re saying.  Where’s the heart attack part?  Oh yeah, that.  The day that shall live in infamy.  When I enter into stranger/danger situations, I’ll tell someone who I’m meeting, their name, and give them the guy’s phone number.  So I did just that.  And I was out of town for this date.  Well, I wasn’t expecting to go to dinner because I would need to drive back.  But we had a nice time and went to dinner.  And I didn’t hear my phone ring when my mother called to check my ETA and basically make sure I wasn’t duct taped in this guy’s trunk.  I finally heard my phone but ignored it because I’m on a date.  But then I saw the multiple missed calls.  Like 13.  You know that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you realize you screwed up?  Yeah, I had that.  I immediately excused myself from the table and called my mother.  Who was on the phone with my brother.  Who had called the guy I was on a date with.  And I think they had the FBI on standby. When I got back, I stopped at my mom’s house to give her a hug and confirm that I was alive and well.  That hardcore crying when someone thinks something bad has happened to a love one?  Yeah, I don’t ever want to hear that again.  I STILL feel bad and this happened years ago.  To this day, if mom calls when she knows I’m out on a new date, that call is answered so she knows I’m safe.  I know it’s considered rude to answer the phone when you’re out now, but manners be damned.  Blind dates are a time when it’s okay and expected that you answer the call from your safety check person!