Episode 22: The Poet Laureate

I, along with presumably hundreds of other women, received a message from a man I can only describe as the self appointed online dating poet laureate.  Mr. Poet composes a novel and then utilizing his computer skills, he tries to ctrl+c/ctrl+v his way into some lucky lady's heart.  Behold, I give you Mr. Poet's piece de resistance in all its verbatim glory:

Hi Hon', I'm seeking true and lasting Love in a quality relationship !
Yes, still searching to find an honest good girl to make a life and a home with.
Should we hold hands and kiss, my Darlin', you should know, i may never want to let you go!

My poem to you, "Little Dove"
I`m not sure why, I just needed to talk to you.
But then I sigh, oh what do I say to you ?
I`m sure there are many, vying for your love.
Do you still have time for me, my Little Dove ?
I`ve been alone now, for more than three years.
It has been a passing of time, and a sheading of tears.
Now, I need to go on with someone, my only one.
Who can warm my night, and do what`s right.
I see us in morning sunshine, on a grassy knoll.
Holding each other tight, we feel each others soul.
I will love you, and you will love me !
All the rest, is in the stars you see, because for you and I, there is all eternity.
Amen.

By Mr. Poet (Me)

I am an Interdenominational Christian still searching for that elusive relationship built on Love and faith ! I hope you like this message and I look forward to yours. You truly are a very beautiful Person ! Hope to see you soon ! May God be with thee

 Love always, Mr. Poet

Dear Mr. Poet:

Wow.  Just wow.  Look buddy, I applaud your efforts for trying to find a mate.  I've run across many people who are too afraid and shy to put themselves out there and look for love.  You're definitely taking a chance.  Alas, I don't think I'm the right "Little Dove" for you.   I'm all about the romance but I find  your poem less romantic and more cheesy.  I'm also curious why we'd be on a grassy knoll in the morning sunshine.  Do we not have a tent?  Have you heard of glamping?  Because the outdoors and I don't really mix.  I mean, how many people do you know that get mosquito bites on their face?  Yeah, I do because I'm a special unicorn like that.  But I digress, Mr. Poet.  Good luck finding that love of your life.  Maybe try camping world?