Paul seemed to be a normal guy. Conversation started normal. Then he asked if I had a ruler. So I asked if I was supposed to respond to his stupid line so he could make a dirty joke. He said "Noooo...Yes." And then sent me two pornographic pictures. Mkay, so here's the thing guys, if you're going to send a picture, at least make it interesting. Instead of some clinical picture of your man parts, why don't you put in some effort? Maybe draw a little face on it, how about a tiny little top hat? Something to make it interesting. Otherwise, it's just a body part that I never asked to see. I get that you're so damn proud of your massive manhood that you think all women are literally waiting with bated breath to see a picture and scream "Yes! This is the man for me! He doesn't even know my name but the picture of his penis has assured me he's honest, and funny, and trustworthy. I MUST date the wonderful human being attached to his appendage."
For real, guys. Get over this bullshit. No one wants to see your junk. Even your doctor doesn't want to see it. If it needs that much attention, just stand in front of your mirror naked every morning and do some affirmations. Repeat after me: "Hey little buddy! You're magnificent in all your penis glory and I know you're quite the exhibitionist, but today we're going to stay put within the confines of our tighty whities. One day a lady will meet you in person and I don't want to spoil the surprise with a picture."
As if that wasn't enough, the same day Paul ruined my No Dick Pic streak, I was propositioned for sex. I declined. I know, you're shocked. Some of you may have seen the pictures on Facebook, but in case not, here ya go:
Sugarplum is another gentleman who is very proud of his appendage. So much so that he thinks that's all us ladies need to know to jump into bed with him. But here's my question, Sugarplum. You said you get laid a lot because of the size of your boat. I want to know why no one is asking for an encore performance? Could it have something to do with the lack of motion in your ocean? Just curious.
No comments:
Post a Comment